Audrey’s guide to the critters on campus
By AUDREY ZHANG — aurzhang@ucdavis.edu
The first time I came to UC Davis, a turkey blocked my path to the information center. I looked into its eyes. In them, I saw rage, a brutal tragic past and a thirst for first-year blood. I saw my death. But there is nothing to be afraid of. UC Davis is full of wonderful animals and they have all only hurt me a little bit.
Cheeto is my favorite — he’s the chonkiest little orange cat anyone has ever seen, and you can usually spot people spoiling him by the Physics Building. I remember the first time like it was yesterday: his fur was so soft, his paw pads were so squishy. He rolled onto his back, and the cuteness overwhelmed me. Then there was The Betrayal. I reached out to give belly rubs and he snapped. Respect everyone’s personal space. I wear these scratch marks with pride as a lesson well learned.
Ducks are everywhere, and so are their adorable ducklings. You can usually spot them in the Arboretum, but my favorite pair is the couple hanging out at the fountain in Voorhies Hall’s courtyard. I’m their biggest fan. I’ve got about a hundred photos of the cute couple napping in the sun, though they haven’t been back since someone decided to drain the water from the fountain. How dare they get rid of the ducks’ date spot. I hope the two haven’t broken up.
Turtles dwell in the Arboretum too, though I can’t blame you if you haven’t noticed. Even a leprechaun would look at the water and say it’s way too green. A shark could be in there for all we know, and we wouldn’t be able to see it through all that algae. Maybe that’s why we have so many mosquitos. They’re my least favorite animals on campus, and the only ones that find their way into my apartment. I would cry if Cheeto graced me with his presence but no, I get discount Dracula here with a side of malaria.
Horses don’t deserve to be mentioned. Someone, not me, had to stand behind them during the Picnic Day parade. They thoughtfully left lovely brown landmines for the poor performers to dodge. Feel free to visit the Horse Barn and enact vengeance.
Last but not least, there is the humble cow. I don’t need to mention anything more. They get enough attention here as it is.
Written by: Audrey Zhang — aurzhang@ucdavis.edu
Disclaimer: (This article is humor and/or satire, and its content is purely fictional. The story and the names of “sources” are fictionalized.)
